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Monday, April 18, 2011

Fear, Truth, and Joy

If you give someone the finger you are cursing God
If you kiss (or do other stuff) on a first date the boy will not respect you
If you smoke weed you will turn into a crack head
If you are too promiscuous no man will want to marry you
If you don’t get really good grades you won’t be able to get a good job Party girls don’t grow up to be professionals
If you are nice, pretty, smart, and a good cook you will be beating men off with a stick
If you work hard you will rise to the top of your career field
If you have good morals people will appreciate you for it
Good things come to those who wait

These are just a few of the absolutes I grew up thinking. No one told me these things. (Except the one about giving the finger, my neighbor told me that). I certainly didn’t get these ideas from my parents. Yet this knew in my heart was true. I live my life based on these facts and used them as a guide in my decision making. I can honestly say I have never given anyone the finger other than as a joke.

Now I realize that these are not truths they are fears. They are fears of the possible negative consequences of my actions. I believe I said it before Joy and Fear are mutually exclusive. They cannot exist together in the same space. Now truth on the other hand can clarify your path to Joy. Truth enables you to make decisions based on what you want and not simply what you fear.

The truth is:
If I give you the finger you have really pissed me off
God is so great and I so insignificant in comparison that the idea of me cursing God is absurd
If I kiss (or do other stuff) on a first date the boy may not respect me, he also may have been feeling the same chemistry and dig the spontaneity
If I smoke weed it may be a gateway drug that leads me to the crack house or I could just gain 5lbs from getting the munchies
Plenty of promiscuous women become faithful wives
Not everyone with a great job had good grades. Do you know what your doctor or lawyer’s GPA was??
Some Monday to Friday professionals are party girls Friday night through Sunday
If you are nice, pretty, smart, and a good cook dating still may not come easy to you
If I work hard I may not rise to the top of my career field but I will be at my best at work
If you have good morals many people will resent you for it because they won’t like their reflection in your eyes
Good things come to those who look for and pursue good things

No, this does not mean we should all be weed smoking, promiscuous, party girls, who lack morals, are lazy at work and school and run around giving everyone the finger. Although, that may be just a little bit fun LOL :-) What we should do, what I wish I’d have realized sooner, what I think students these days should know, is to embrace truth (not fear) and base your decisions, what you do and don’t do, on what brings you Joy. Not the selfish short lived happiness that comes from doing what you with regardless of consequences. But the Joy that comes from doing what you feel is right just because it feels right for you.

This is in response to Mama Kat’s Writing Prompt: Something students these days should know.
What do you think students these days should know?
What absolutes did you grow up with that you now know to be not so absolute?


  1. Very very nice post! I love it!

  2. This was really good! seriously...

  3. I like how you did this post. I had to re read the first half to make sure I was not missing something......I have never given anyone the finger either :o)

  4. Hi there!

    I'm just popping in for a visit - thanks for your comment on my blog. Sometimes I feel like no one can possibly know how I'm feeling and it means a lot to find out that there are people out there that do and I'm not as crazy as I thought... Or maybe we're all just a little crazy ;)

    I grew up thinking many of these same things you wrote up there. I came to the realization in my early twenties that I was wrong and I've been trying to figure the world out ever since. I felt misled by things like Cinderella (and pretty much all Disney cartoons actually...) where things just work out so nicely in the end.

    I'm slowly starting to shape my own destiny - but there were many years of depression and anxiety that came in between. I still struggle with it in fact - but I'm getting better at managing it.

    You sound like you are a very intelligent and strong woman, I wish you the best of luck in life! I look forward to catching up on all your past posts and to those you write in the future :)

    Heather (AKA Prusha) from

  5. I grew up with some pretty conservative views that relaxed and changed a lot since I turned 30.
    I've also learned to "never say never."
    Found you via the Lady Bloggers Society. Nice having "tea" with you!

  6. Great post Joy, such wise and true words you write

  7. Never say never is a biggie for me like Joyce said above. You just "never know."

  8. Hello. I am over from the Flashback Friday Linkup. I learned over time that before I do anything else, I must learn to be a friend to myself.


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