In 2004, I was expecting my first baby and was happily married. So I thought. Along with my bundle of joy came a sudden realization that my marriage was over. I worked hard to stay positive for my daughter, but it was extremely hard considering my best friend of ten years had decided he wasn’t happy being married to me anymore.
In the days and months that followed, I found myself searching for happiness. I found myself praying for help and for peace. I tried to make my marriage work and used every ounce of energy I had trying to rebuild a relationship that was mortally wounded.
Somewhere along the way, I began to have epiphany after epiphany about my failed marriage and about myself. There were parts of me that I had “given up” while married, and I was reclaiming them. When my daughter would spend a weekend with her father, I took the opportunity to do something just for me.
There were moments that I was so sad about my state of affairs. I was alone, and there were no romantic prospects in sight. I wanted to be married and have a family. I had not asked for this situation to happen to me. Quite often, I prayed and asked, “Why?” I never really got an answer – or so I thought.
In 2008, I went on a blind date and met Aaron. We immediately hit it off. Less than two months later, we were engaged. Less than a year later, we were married.
It would seem that I was chasing joy and found it via Aaron. That would be the easy answer. That’s not where I found my joy.
My joy lies within me. I have the power to be happy with myself no matter what my situation. Would I be devastated if Aaron were – for some awful reason – no longer in my life? Of course! He was and is the missing puzzle piece. But would I survive? Would I be able to keep going. Yes.
This is the most powerful part of the journey I’ve been on since before my daughter was born. The joy that I find with my family is one little piece of the joy that I found within.
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